Controlling behavior happens when someone asserts control over another person through manipulation.
It can and often does become abusive, especially when it makes you feel afraid or intimidated.
Relationships with controlling people can be challenging.
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Improving your personal boundaries and keeping supportive people close by can help.
Learn to strengthen your boundaries and talk to a therapist if you’re able to.
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What Is Controlling Behavior?
Controlling behavior becomes abusive when it is coercive (threatening).
This behavior includes ongoing degradation and threats that can lead todomestic violence.
Multiple studies have shown that controlling behavior is associated with a higher likelihood of physical aggression or abuse.
Here are some examples of controlling behavior.
They often won’t adapt and may not be open to others' suggestions or points of view.
Often, when controlling people ask about your life, they will quickly redirect the conversation back to themselves.
In their mind, this can be a way of helping you improve.
It may include subtle remarks or interrupting you to point out small criticisms of your words or actions.
They may even venture to prevent you from seeing your friends or family.
They Blame Others
Controlling people feel that nothing is their fault.
They will use a technique known as projection to shift the blame back to you.
They may even accuse you of things they have done themselves so they can’t be blamed.
A person may even attempt to convince you that you’re crazy to avoid taking responsibility for certain actions.
When this happens often, it might cause you to doubt your memory or judgment.
They Don’t Respect Boundaries
Controlling people typically do not respect another person’sboundaries.
In healthy relationships, boundaries between two people are respected and valued.
For the controlling person, a boundary is a hindrance to their need for control.
They Keep Score
They typically keep a mental scorecard.
This scorecard generally stays in their favor, and they will get more than they give.
They may ridicule your interests and attempt to convince you to adopt their own interests.
They Use Intimidation
Intimidation can take several different forms.
Someone who talks down to you in front of others is using a form of intimidation.
Threatsboth violent and non-violentare another form of intimidation.
The person may threaten to expose a secret, for example, or leave with your children.
They may also threaten to hurt you or someone you care about.
Signs of Abuse
Relationship abuse is about gaining power and control over another person.
But just because someone is controlling doesn’t mean they areabusive.
Controlling behavior crosses the line into abuse when it results in the other person feeling afraid and intimidated.
However, it is not always easy to identify specific actions as abuse.
You may excuse a partners behavior or feel that you are overreacting.
In general,abuse escalates over time.
Identifying certain behaviors early gives you a better chance of exiting a relationship safely.
It provides a sense of predictability, stability, and order.
In some people, this need for control becomes unhealthy.
Insecurity andanxietycan lead to controlling behavior.
Ananxiety disorder, for example, may lead to controlling behavior.
People may also exhibit controlling behavior because of an inflated sense of responsibility towards others.
Managing Controlling Behavior
People with controlling behaviors can be challenging to deal with.
It may be exhausting and at times overwhelming.
In these cases, self-care and support are vital to your well-being.
If you point out something they have done, they may project it back onto you.
We can’t change what we don’t even see.
They may not be aware they are exhibiting this behavior, which often stems from their own anxiety.
you could cope with controlling people by setting boundaries, being clear, and using “I” statements.
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Simply Psychology.Early Signs of a Controlling Man.
National Domestic Violence Hotline.Learn More About Abuse - What Does Abuse Include?
Boston University.I messages or I statements.
