Love bombing involves bombarding a person (usually a romantic partner) with attention and affection.
A love bomber might shower you with compliments and gifts, for example.
People who love bomb are looking to obtain power and control at the beginning of a relationship.
Love bombing is commonly associated with narcissism.
Verywell / Ellen Lindner
What Is Love Bombing?
The term “love bombing” dates back to the 1970s.
It is associated with the Unification Church (a religious sect commonly considered a cult).
The goal is to ultimately make their partner emotionally and socially dependent.
Love Bombing and Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Love bombing is commonly associated with narcissism.
This does not stem from self-love but rather the fear of being undesired.
People with NPD often have low self-esteem.
A person with NPD or narcissistic tendencies engages in love bombing to receive praise and admiration.
The intention is not to show genuine affection but to exhibit control and for personal gain.
While many people who love bomb have narcissistic personality disorder, that is not always the case.
Attachment style and other factors can also play a role.
Why Is Love Bombing a Major Red Flag?
Love bombing allows an abusive person to build their partner up before tearing them down.
People withnarcissistic tendenciescan be very charming, likable, and exciting.
The manipulation can happen slowly, and the control may go unnoticed at first.
But if your partner feels entitled to or possessive of your time, that is asign of potential abuse.
This is controlling behavior, not a healthy relationship dynamic.
The abuser may get “set off” easily and become defensive or abusive if criticized or challenged.
They may be irrational and volatile, raging when they don’t get their way.
In addition, people who love bomb may also employ other controlling or abusive tactics, such as gaslighting.
What Is Gaslighting?
This may make their partner feel like they’re “going crazy.”
If Youre Being Love Bombed
Listen to what your gut is telling you.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or uncomfortable, these are valid feelings that deserve investigating.
You may feel confused, have difficulty interpreting your feelings, or even use denial as a defense mechanism.
They can offer you insight from a perspective outside of the relationship.
It may also help to journal what is happening in your relationship.
This provides a reference for keeping your memories straight should gaslighting occur.
Suppose you feel safe doing so and want to continue in the relationship.
If your partner resists or does not respect these boundaries, that is a potentially dangerous red flag.
If you have a bad feeling about something, don’t ignore it.
Instead, enlist the help of friends, family, or a mental health professional.
How Is Love Bombing Different From a Loving Relationship?
A relationship with a love bomber is unhealthy and potentially dangerous.
This can include elaborate gift-giving, excessive complimenting, wanting undivided attention, and other manipulative tactics.
Love bombing is commonly associated withnarcissismand often progresses into emotional abuse.
Love bombing behavior should be seen as a relationship red flag.
If you are love bombing someone or have in past relationships, talk to a mental health professional.
They can help you determine why and how to address your behavior.
Thomaes S, Brummelman E.Narcissism.
In: Cicchetti D, ed.Developmental Psychopathology.
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National Domestic Violence Hotline.Healthy relationships.
2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963
